Finger-pointing gradually develops such a relationship which turns even the strongest love into hatred. Initially starting with the tiniest of disagreements, it will soon develop a pattern that includes defensive behavior. All these damages lead to a blame game which one day transforms into a very toxic cycle where communication and intimacy are reduced to their lowest levels. In Valuable Decorations for Your Marriage, Dr. Francis Ngulefac offers a powerfully biblical pathway to break up this destructive cycle.
Through practical wisdom, spiritual insight, and real-life examples, he enables couples to move from accusation to affirmation, division to unity. Rooted in timeless principles from Scripture, Dr. Ngulefac’s approach empowers couples to communicate openly and forgive wholeheartedly, and grow together in faith and love. Doesn’t matter if you’re newly married or married for decades, this book has tools to help facilitate your relationship into one of joy, mutual respect, and harmony. Ready to rebuild trust, strengthen your bond, and restore the delight in your marriage? Here’s how.
The Cost of Blame
Disagreements get out of hand when it becomes all about “You always” or “You never”, because it favors no one, both spouses are at a loss. Dr. Ngulefac, a couple’s “doctor”, coached David and Rachel, one of this client’s, and found that often times than not, blame only brings more distance between the couples, until of course they learned to listen.
According to James 1:19, “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Blame will only create misunderstandings, but God’s wisdom builds unity.
Why We Blame
When one blames another, it often stems from emotions deeper than anger, such as fear and hurt. Fear arises from being wrong, while hurt comes basically from unmet needs. In the book Valuable Decorations for Your Marriage, Dr. Ngulefac’s Day 8 questions help couples to explore these roots. Asking, “What’s one thing I can own in this conflict?” this shifts attention from blame and fault-finding to personal accountability in a way that it opens doors to healing and reconciling.
Three Steps to Teamwork
Try these simple yet powerful steps to replace blame with grace and teamwork, inspired by Valuable Decorations for Your Marriage :
1. Time-outs and Prayer: Wait for a spell before jumping to arguments. Pause for a prayer-fight with God for humility and a heart that searches for peace. According to Philippians 2:3, “value others above yourselves”: a reminder that love puts aside pride and listens with empathy.
2. Own Your Part: Every Conflict has Two Sides: Rather than pointing fingers, detach from the situation and ponder. Own at least one thing which can improve, whether its voice, timing, or patience. This little exercise will discharge tension and soften hearts.
3. You Partner Up: Ask, “What can we do to fix this together?” That’s what changes the energy. This one question transforms the dynamic. You become allies working toward a common goal rather than adversaries keeping score. One couple that adopted this said, “We stopped fighting each other and started fighting for our marriage.”
The above mentioned steps allows a person the space they need for healing, growth, and union.
Build a Blame-Free Marriage
It requires practice, patience, and a willingness to grow, but ending the blame game is worthwhile. With tools from Dr. Ngulefac found at Dr. Francis Ngulefac, couples are directed towards communication that is graceful, empathetic, and mutually respectful. As he says, “We Are Better Together – Because We Become Richer, Safer, Warmer, and Stronger”.
A great change begins with small steps. So start tonight, apologize for one small thing-‘merely a rude word or a tiny overlooked requirement-and see the difference. You will be stunned to realize how, just a little humility can open hearts, create trust, and bring you closer than ever before.
CTA: Ready to stop blaming and start building? Get your copy of Valuable Decorations for Your Marriage on Amazon for practical steps to a harmonious marriage.